Catalyst

Meredith at 10 weeks

And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—a land flowing with milk and honey.' Exodus 3:17 (New International Version)

God has been so faithful to me and for that I am grateful. After my last post, He gave me much clarity. Not only has He confirmed over and over the vision I was given, He has also provided the path to achieve His work. There is nothing like knowing you are in God’s Will. The peace and excitement are absolutely indescribable. Although things have been going well, and I feel loved, taken care of, and hopeful, there have been times of great distress and hardship. As each week passes, I thank God for bringing me back from those dark times quickly and gently.

Last week, I was seeking understanding concerning Meredith. I get to that place often, then I leave, but my return is inevitable. A few things hit me this week about my “exception” obsession. At that moment of grief, I was seeing Meredith as a hindrance or barrier between the Lord and myself. This confusion and conflict over her cancer diagnosis and death seemed to feel like distance between God and me. However, as I thought more on this whole concept, God revealed that Meredith’s existence and death have been a catalyst in pushing me closer to Him. I have never ever heard from the Lord till Meredith was brought into my life. Yes, I felt He was leading on occasion and showing me the way in certain situations, but Meredith has propelled me to seek God in a whole different way. My walk with the Lord is not controlled by rigid rules or out of obligation; it is out of desperation to know Him deeply and a desire to be ONE with Him. I want to know the hidden meaning behind costly circumstances; I want to know the mind of Christ, His power, and His peace. Meredith made me want to be more than just a mom, a teacher and a friend. Meredith makes me want to be a woman of purpose, change and encouragement. Although the pain of losing her is excruciating, I know that it will one day be used for God’s glory.

“He that is mastered by Christ is the master of every circumstance. Does the circumstance press hard against you? Do not push it away. It is the Potter’s hand. Your mastery will come, not by arresting its progress, but by enduring its discipline, for it is not only shaping you into a vessel of beauty and honor, but it is making your resources available.” ~Mrs. Charles E. Cowman