Work is going great. I love my students and my coworkers. I am enjoying teaching as I always have. Tyler is having a great time at his preschool. He is always smiling and dancing with joy when I return to get him. I miss him but know he is in the most precious hands, hands that God presented to me when going back to work was a necessity. I could not have asked for a better situation. We are blessed.
A very exciting thing has happened since I returned to work. My son, “Tank Tyler” has started to cuddle with me. When he was very young, he liked to be held close, but quickly he became “Mr. Independent.” This was okay, as he is a boy and he likes to climb on top of things not sit with his mother. But, lately he has wanted to bury his head in my neck and just cuddle. I cannot explain what a gift this has been for me. As I mentioned before, Meredith loved to be held. We cuddled all the time. There were so many times that we napped on the couch together, that I just held her on my lap and rocked her at night. She was like an accessory to me. The other night, when I was holding my son before bed, it felt euphoric. He is so warm and squishy. I could almost feel our hearts beating as one. I enjoyed this moment so much. It reminded me of being at Duke after giving birth to Tyler. I was thrilled to be able to really hold Meredith again. When she first got sick, I was so uncomfortable and holding her with all the tubes and machines was much too hard. I was afraid I would disconnect something; I was petrified I would hurt her in some way. I just couldn’t do it. But, after Tyler’s birth, I was elated to hold my baby girl once again. I held her so tight and it felt right. At that moment, the beeping machines and tubes did not matter. We were back together snuggling close just as we always had. This memory takes my breath away. So quickly things can change…
My devotion yesterday from “My Utmost for His Highest” was very thought provoking. The verse was Colossians 1:24 (NIV) and Paul was talking about his work for the church.
Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.
Oswald Chambers clarifies this verse by saying, “God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with…We must never choose the scene of our own martyrdom. If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.” How true this is…my set of circumstances have nearly crushed me. Often times I thought they were going to crush me to the point of death. However, before January of 2008, I was simply a juicy grape. God spent years filling me with his words, promises and comfort. Now he is squeezing them out of me. The afflictions have been painful but the final product will be poured-out wine.
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