Blessed Birthday

“…There shall be showers of blessings.” Ezekial 34:26 KJV

Well, it has been four months since I have been able to think straight. Now that I am coming out of the fog of new parenthood, I am grateful to be able to see things clearly again. Having such a precious baby come into our lives has been absolutely dreamy (minus the first month).  Sweet Sadie Grace is an absolute angel. The last few weeks, she has been tussled around with all the boys starting school, me going back to work and being with a new babysitter. But, throughout it all she has stayed happy and healthy. We are so blessed.

 

This summer was absolutely crazy.  It certainly wasn’t easy to wrap our minds around all the different needs of the children, especially now that Bryan and I are totally outnumbered. Our boy’s schedules have been insane—they come and go like we’re a hotel sometimes. I cannot even believe that Bryan and I can keep up with it. This summer, I began to resent that we are not a “normal” family. There are so many emotions that go with sending your child away. It’s not easy on anyone.  

My discontentment turned into anger and frustration, and I’ve felt edgy and discontent. Then, it hit me—I am a nitpicky Christian. God has showered me with so many blessings which include a brand new baby girl, and all I could do is complain about the things that have not turned out quit right in my eyes.  What a disservice I’m doing to my family and myself! There is so much to celebrate. In 2008, everything crumbled and I’ve been grieving since then. I haven’t been in full fledged grief, but it’s like there has been a black cloud that followed me all these years. It finally occurred to me on my 37^th birthday, that I was the one carrying that cloud around. I decided to give the cloud up. I still have sadness and cry when I think of my losses, but the painful grief is gone. I am free.

Last year in my devotion on my birthday I wrote, “I just want closure.” I can honestly say that I have it. My life is how it should be. It is a good life full of amazing people, opportunities to help those who are hurting, joy as I watch my children smile and laugh. I have been showered with blessings from above. It’s like a small taste of what is to come when I meet my first born again.