It is hard to believe that I am 33 weeks pregnant! I am starting to nest and I am like a mad woman trying to get everything done. Even worse, my poor hubs has been working himself to the bone helping me. Gosh, I’m so thankful to have him. He shows me grace like you would not believe.
This journey through pregnancy has been a long one. I am as big as I was full-term with Meredith and I have 7 weeks to go. I am not used to this big baby thing at all. Meredith was tiny weighing 5lbs 13oz and Tyler was only 6.5 lbs. I have a feeling with the way this baby is growing; I will be unable to walk soon! She is in the 75% for growth. I almost passed out when I heard this. I think I will definitely opt for an epidural this time!
There have been so many happy times over these 7 months, but a month ago, I celebrated Meredith’s birthday with tears and TV. I was so sad and it hit me like a ton of bricks! The days leading up to the 16th were great. But, grief came on strong this year and I wasn’t ready for it. I cried and watched Lifetime and LMN to numb the pain. What is about those channels that make women feel better? I know I am not the only one…
After I tried to numb the pain through meaningless TV, I decided to pull out my old home videos and watch Mer’s whole life. She was so cute and perfect. The memories of the joy she brought to my life made me smile, but also reminded me to live with hope. Then, my devotion on the 16th said,
“Although I have afflicted you…I will afflict you no more. Now I will break their yoke from your neck and tear your shackles away” (Nahem 1:12-13)
I love these verses because sometimes I feel that losing Mer and the grief that comes with it is similar to living like a prisoner. My joy and hope can be easily dashed when I think about all the hard times I have had. But, there have been many prisoners throughout history who have been set free from their past and who have been given amazing futures.
I find myself very nervous about what my life is going to be like when Baby Mull arrives. I like to have everything planned and fixed up just right. But, God has really taught me to be patient and not try to over plan. He is slowly tearing away my shackles of worry and control and replacing them with peace and joy.
1 comment:
Beautifully said. Someday I am going to get baby Mulls present to you! I keep forgetting to bring it with me when I am over by Glenwood.
Best wishes as you make it through the last few weeks of pregnancy! I know all to well how bigger babies can be tough on your body these last few weeks.
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