God's Timing is Impeccable

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7, NIV)

I am in awe over God’s timing. I am thankful I have waited on him for the last year and a half. In the past, I have often guided the hands of the Lord. I definitely tried to be patient while looking for the right spouse, the right job, etc… but I have never waited on the Lord with such anticipation and obedience as I have since I lost nearly everything of value in my life. When everything is stripped from you, (whether it is a loved one, a house and its contents or your sense of security)you either freak out and run around trying to rebuild the mess you have been left with yourself, or you WAIT for God to rebuild. I’m almost embarrassed to say that it took losing it all for me to give complete control over to God. I pray that people never experience this kind of suffering, but I will say giving everything to the Lord has given me back the security I yearned for all these years.

I often think of the timing of my son’s birth as one of the most amazing episodes in my life. Here I was, pregnant, separated from my husband and watching my daughter suffer from cancer. In my opinion, this was not the time to have a baby. But, God had his own ideas on when and why Tyler was to be born. As I reflect on his perfect timing, I am grateful God is in control and not me.

On Feb 15, 2008, My Mom, grandmother, and I were in the hotel (across from Duke) sleeping. My Aunt Joyce Lynne arrived around 1:30 am from Roanoke. My alarm went off to get me to take my Nifedipine (a medicine to stop contractions). I went to the restroom, sat back down on the bed and felt a gush of water. I yelled, "Oh my gosh! My water just broke." Joyce Lynne jumped up and said, "Okay, let's go have a baby." She went and got the car and we all piled in. Meredith was scheduled for surgery at 8:00am to get a shunt and a port for chemotherapy. This was not a good time for a birth we agreed.

We all chuckled as we drove 45 minutes from Duke Hospital in Durham to Wake Medical in Raleigh. I think we were just laughing at the outlandish circumstances. Plus, we were right across from a hospital but I had to go to Wake Medical. One thing was for sure, I had to have a VBAC. There was no time to recover from another C-Section. As we drove to Raleigh my contractions were about 10 minutes apart. Mom was eating organic Oreos from Whole Foods in the backseat while I was starving. I knew I was not going to get anything to eat for a long time, so I was convincing Joyce Lynne to go to Bojangles to get me a biscuit. Mom kept saying, "You cannot eat before labor!" So, we bypassed the food idea and went straight to the hospital. Mom and I got to the Triage room; they checked me and said I was 6 cm at 2:45. At that point my contractions were picking up and my OB and the L & D nurse arrived to ask if I wanted an Epidural. I was undecided because the pains were not that bad right then, so I looked at Mom and she said, "You are doing fine." The nurse agreed that she didn't think it was going to be long before I had Tyler, and she concurred that I was doing great without drugs. I was like, "what the heck, let's do it." So we were off to the delivery room where Mama 2 and Joyce Lynne were waiting for us.
I was in some pain, but it wasn't unbearable. That didn't last long because I quickly got to 8cm and then it all went south. My contractions were coming every three minutes. Mom was right by my side trying to get me to breathe but I just couldn't get it together. As I transitioned, I started to scream and mom said, "Why are you screaming? Does it hurt? It's not supposed to hurt; it is supposed to feel good to push." I nearly killed her.
I could see Joyce Lynne in the background cheering and Mama 2 praying (eyes tightly closed) in the chair. I pushed 5 times and Tyler arrived into this world! He weighed 6.5 and was 19 inches. He was adorable but he looked like he had red skin…probably all those drugs I was taking to resist having panic attacks.

The next day was Meredith's first birthday, so after the birth and some rest time, I was off to Duke to see my baby girl. Mike and Kim (my sister and brother-in-law) came to Wake Medical to be with Tyler. Kim laid in the bed and held Tyler while I was gone. She loved having a new baby without giving birth. And, so that was the beginning of my little boy’s life. He was flexible and eager to see the world from the very start.

I could never figure out exactly why God felt it necessary to bring Tyler in the world at that moment. There was so much going on. My daughter was getting prepared for surgery and her present condition was poor. Yet, God knew exactly what would be happening in her life, and that it was time for him to bring me some joy in the midst of so much pain and stress. That has been what Tyler has been to me. I feel true joy and deep gratefulness when I look at him. He has taught me to trust, to love and to hope again. What a gift God gave me at the perfect time and in the most perfect way.