I returned from a cruise to the Bahamas on Monday to many blessings as well as major drama. We had a great time on our getaway. It was truly a time of rest and relaxation. I had some interesting feelings running through my mind on our trip. Part of me believes it would be easier to just be someone else entirely. If I was only someone else, I could be carefree and have unbridled fun on this trip. I would not gaze at every little girl and imagine Meredith’s face on her. I would not need a trip to recover from a nasty divorce, because I would not be divorced. Sometimes I just want to be someone else. However, if this occurred, my past would be erased. Oh, how I wish I could erase some things and not the others! But, I know that all of my decisions, whether good or bad, defined and refined me. The parts I hate have made me stronger and humbler. The parts I love have given me enough joy to last a lifetime. My life has been rocky and hard, but I must embrace where I am and where God is driving me to go.
Before I left to go on my cruise, I had a malfunctioning stove, a broken microwave and a steady drip in my den ceiling. Do you ever wonder why things seem to come all at once? I must say, a few months ago, I would have completely lost it. I would have gone into an ugly pity party and stayed there for days. “Haven’t I endured enough? Why can’t things be easy or run smoothly? Why? Why? Why?” It turns out, I am going to have to get a new HVAC system because it was draining into my ceiling, I have to work with Whirlpool to buy a new part for my stove, and then pay a fortune to get it replaced, and so on. Plus, my Father had to rip out the ceiling in my den which will cost a ment to repair. All of this drama while I was sailing the seas on an eleven story ship. One of my closest friend’s comment on my life was, “If I wasn’t walking through all of this with you, I would never believe it was all true.” We actually laughed about it all. So, I am impressed that I didn’t fall into that nasty pit again. I was so glad I wasn’t here to deal with all of it. I feel for my parents though. As soon as I arrived home, they were ready to blow this joint. I’m lucky to have such good parents. I am so fortunate and grateful for their love and sacrifice. They have really stepped up and taken care of Tyler and me. Sometimes I feel guilty that my family and friends have had to endure such heart wrenching situations with me over the past year and a half. We have all witnessed great victory and what feels like intense defeat. We have gone to celebratory dinners on some occasions while on others they have held me as I desperately cried in despair. Through it all, they have stuck with me and I am grateful.
One of the greatest joys I have encountered in my life is seeing and feeling true love. Some people live their entire lives searching for it. God has revealed His love for me in so many miraculous ways, but when He tied us all together, whether it was before, during or after Meredith’s life and death, His love became tangible. We weren’t made to be by ourselves, to handle things on our own. We were made for relationships. In true relationships, we can be who we really are. We can be transparent. Thank you Jesus for giving me the joy and security of relationship! The most important being my relationship with HIM! You see, it wasn’t by chance we were all brought together; it was divine intervention and redemption. It all started with Jesus.I am so thankful for all of you. Every time I think of thanking all of you who have prayed, given and supported me in so many different ways, I feel so inadequate. What I do know is each of you has followed Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 and you will be blessed for doing so.10 If one falls down,his friend can help him up.But pity the man who fallsand has no one to help him up!11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.But how can one keep warm alone?12 Though one may be overpowered,two can defend themselves.A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Beth
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