Flashbacks

Last night, I was sitting in the floor reading a book to Sadie Grace. This book is full of pictures of real life things and people. One page is about the human body, another is just objects around the house, and so on. We get to her favorite page--the animal page. Even though she is still petrified of most animals, especially dogs, she wants to spend most of her time looking at that particular page. So, she pointed to the pictures and said “waz sis?” (interpretation: what’s this?) and I would name it and then she would copy me. It is so cute. I mean super cute to read with Sadie Grace. I love it.

So, she gets to the picture of a snake (i’ve seen this snake picture hundreds of times). But, I began to have a flashback that was so real it nearly took my breathe away. I remember in May of 2012, walking into my office from a meeting and seeing that my phone had blown up with calls from Precious Little Lambs. Then, I made the call to find out Tyler had been bit by “something” and the ambulance was on its way. Those next moments of running down the hall in high heels, jumping down 5 flights of stairs and driving 90 miles per hour to his preschool were so vivid in my mind. But, the moment that lead to tears was remembering running into the ambulance and seeing my little guy on the stretcher crying. Oh, I was so frightened, but I had been there before. Different child, different circumstances, same feelings...panic, fear and faith. That flashback brought back another flashback-the night that everything changed in an instant for me. I heard the word, “cancer” and all my hopes and dreams I had for myself and for Mer came to a screeching halt. I was on the way to Duke. I was alone sitting beside my little gal bumping along in an ambulance. Isn’t it amazing how one picture from a book can trigger so many memories of the past?

Today Tyler turns 7 years old. His birthday is always a huge celebration for me,but it is also full of flashbacks-good and bad. I had Ty in the midst of unbearable pain and suffering. At the time, his birth seemed like the worst timing EVER.  But, as I look back, I see it differently. Ty was a sign of hope. He was the first of so many blessings that were to come. He was the start of something NEW.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:19, ESV).

This verse in Isaiah could not be more true for me. I’ve learned that even the most traumatic flashbacks we have can teach us something. To this day, I don’t really understand the purpose of Tyler’s snack bite and the trauma is caused at the time. But, I will say, with all the swirling events that have happened in these 7 years, God has made me stronger, more courageous and more faithful to Him. I hope that this is what Tyler learns from me as he grows older.

To this day, Ty and I often reminisce about his snack bite.It usually comes up when he gets hurt. He’ll bust his knee up and cry. But, when he calms down, he always says, “that was nothing compared to my snake bite!” Oh yes, I am so glad we can keep things in perspective, even at 7 years old!  

Happy Birthday to my sweet, wild and willy Tyler. May your life be filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Beth