Eye Openers

I’m participating in a Bible Study with some moms from Tyler’s school and it has been challenging us all to give up certain items each week. We started off with food. I chose to just buy for the week instead of stocking up. This was a breeze considering nothing stays in our pantry more than 5 minutes with the amount of kids we have. Then, we moved on to clothing. This I loved because I enjoy purging and am constantly looking for things to give away. I try to my best ability to not hold on to things if they aren't absolutely needed. It also helps to have a husband who cares nothing about material things. He’d be fine with one shirt and one pair of jeans, a chair and a lamp—that’s all. 

The last experiment, give up MEDIA. I was excited about this one, but it has been hard. I decided to give up TV and Facebook because these are the things I do when I feel tired or unmotivated. You know what I realized? I waste so much time watching mindless shows and looking at Facebook. Don’t get me wrong, both of those things are good in moderation. But, I was using them as a numbing tool and to avoid what I need to do. I have done so many amazing things since I started fasting: tons of laundry, organizing and reorganizing, reading, devotions and journaling. I have done puzzles, gone on walks, cooked—it’s amazing! I haven’t cleaned though, that will come when I am desperate for something to do! I was hoping that this time would be used as a writing reboot. So, many things go through my mind and I often don’t get them typed up or written down because of distractions. It’s been good to be free from these activities and my passion for writing has definitely been reignited.

I haven’t blogged since February, BUT so many things have happened. The last couple of months have been full of eye openers. For the most part, my life has been drama free. Yes, this is quite different from the past where I was either in throws of drama myself or engaged in someone else’s drama. I noticed that God has pretty much moved out the people in my life that filled it with drama. Initially, I freaked out, not knowing my purpose. I have been in crisis or handling other people’s crisis for years. What now?

The cool thing is God has been teaching me is who I am and how to best use my gifts. One of my gifts is to be like a “triage” for hurting people. In a crisis, I can encourage and strengthen them. I can problem solve and direct. Then, I turn them over to long termers—the people who God has gifted with time and perseverance to hang in for the long journey ahead.

I’ve also learned that the pain of the past is no longer my story!  If you’re one of my followers, you know that I dread the month of April. The thought of walking through Mer’s death anniversary is overwhelming. My mind and heart are always twisted in knots as I prepare for the 14^th. This time of the year is always difficult. As I was approaching Mer’s 6th death anniversary, I was asked to speak at a women’s event. I struggled so much with my talk, I could not find a focus and I couldn’t get the right flow. When I presented my story, I felt rusty and I knew something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized my story is no longer just about the pain of the past. My story has been transformed to how God heals and blesses. It is a journey of redemption and resilience because of God’s grace and mercy. My eyes were opened that day as a new direction was given to me. This song began to play right after my revelation:

“You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things 
Out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us” 

(Beautiful Things, First Light Worship)

Yes, there has been so much dust over the years clouding my view of God and myself. I have gone through times of freedom and been through periods of pain and disappointment. But, through those obstacles, God has been refining me and the blessings have indeed been beautiful.