I’ve been asking myself this very
question lately. To be completely honest, I have trouble feeling it. I know it
is there because God’s word states that “God is Love” (1 John 4:16). But
knowing something and reading it does not always mean I feel it. My personality
causes me to regularly soar and plunge from mountain peaks to dark valleys. I was not blessed with a calm and laid back
personality. When I feel happy, I am usually beaming. When I feel mad my eyes
are like saucers (according to the husband) and when I am sad-- I sleep.
I yearn for a peaceful personality. I desire to feel God’s
love so deeply that when the ups and downs come, I rest in Him. I also want to
feel God’s love in a passionate way. When
I think about how God has loved me over the years, I try to think of all the
blessings in my life. For me, it feels like God should prove His love for me
through them. But, what usually happens is God’s blessings are not always what
I desire and when He gives me good things, I find a way to worry, fear and
become negative about them. I tend to think, well He gave me _______, but he is
going to make me suffer in some way through it. It is terrible- I know. I’m
working on it. I’m living in the past—expecting the worse case scenario. If I
do this, I won’t be disappointed if I don’t get what I want.
Since this subject has been on my heart for awhile, I began
reading some reflections on God’s love and I came across this article called, “Cannot
Feel God’s Love?” by Grantley Morris.
One of his points that made that hit home was:
Relative to God’s
plans, what human minds presume to be best are nothing but short-term thrills
that fizzle. The infinity of God’s intellect and the eternity of his perspective
often push his loving ways frustratingly beyond our understanding. We are
sorely tempted to let this eat away at our belief in his love for us. We are
like children thinking, “If Mommy really loved me she’d feed me nothing but
candy and ice-cream.” Just as a little
child finds such logic undeniable, we find ourselves weighed down by the
nagging suspicion that God cannot really love us because he does not do things
the way our puny minds think he should.
Ouch, I am absolutely guilty of this way of thinking. This
morning it occurred to me that it is time to accept and be at peace with my
past. It is time to move forward with new dreams and new perspective. I have
spent a lot of time stirring over my afflictions. It is time to focus on the sweetness
arising from the flames of affliction. It is time for me to allow God’s love into
my life and to be filled with praise and prayer.
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