Remember

The act of forgiveness has really been on my mind lately. It is one of those challenges that come up regularly. As I mentioned in my last post, I have been walking slowly through life instead of running like and mad woman. During this time, I have been asking God to cleanse my heart of any unknown sin. It has been amazing how God has brought to the surface the unforgiveness I have in my heart.  I have to say that I have worked through this process before, especially being a victim of abuse. I have spent many days angry, hurt and terse. I have also felt the freedom of healing and relief from unforgiveness.

Even though I have been hurt by several people in my 35 years, ultimately, I feel most hurt, angry and disappointed by God. Our pastor said something so true on Sunday, “When things go wrong, we automatically blame God or become suspicious of His character, but God is for us and not against us. If He wasn’t for us, why would he have sent his son to die on the cross for us?”(my paraphrase). I am guilty of being mad at God, blaming him for the bad things I have been through. I have had to ask God to help me forgive Him. Is that even possible? It’s seems wrong. The reality is I am holding things against God and it’s only hurting me and stifling my healing process. As I have been struggling with holding on to the pain, God has challenged me to remember how He brought me to freedom in the past. As I reflected on the last years, I was reminded of God’s healing power, redemption, and joy.

So, when I begin to hold things against God and question His plan, I have to make myself remember His goodness and that my life isn’t really about me. I also have to lay my hurt, anger and unforgiveness at His throne and ask Him to set me free from these things.  As Max Lucado says,

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and…realizing you were the prisoner!”

Here’s to being set free, Part II.

Beth