Prison Talk

Tuesday night I arrived at the maximum security Raleigh Correctional Center for Women. When the door shut behind me, I nearly jumped a foot in the air. The guards laughed out loud as I tried to act confidant and calm. I wasn’t fooling anyone! Once I got to check in, they could not find me on the sign in sheet—I began to wonder if I had misunderstood my directions or if I had the wrong night. As I went back to my car to get my contact name, I had a sense of relief. I was filled with fear and did not want to do it anyway. After making a call, I realized that I was at the wrong prison and that I was supposed to be at the minimum security prison, whew. As I drove there, I was frazzled and frightened—not because I was going to talk to prisoners, but more because I felt insecure about how I would relate to these women. I know what people think of me when they see me—white girl, middle class, innocent girl. I just wanted that first impression to not hinder what God had planned for that night. I really wanted my talk to mean something and for one of those women to be inspired or encouraged by my story.


I was escorted to this small building in the back of the prison. Ladies piled in and I was pleasantly surprised by how welcoming they were. An entire program was planned. I was in awe over what transpired before me. A woman started the evening off with a poem/rap that compared life on the streets to life with Christ. The lyrics were powerful and beautifully written. I’m not kidding, her rap could be produced. I felt chill bumps all over. Then, another inmate came up and sang One Moment in Time a-cappella. It too was amazing. A dance team finished the program off, and I sat in complete awe. So many of these women have gifts that they have received from God and they were using them just where they were. What a blessing it was to witness women worshipping in prison just like we worship in church each Sunday.

The Lord taught me so much this week while preparing for this speaking engagement. The topic was on “worry.” I studied and meditated on Matthew 6:25-34 for hours. I hit so many walls while reading this scripture because of my own issues. God has such a sense of humor. He takes my weaknesses and makes me speak about them and encourage others to not do the very thing that consumes me.

Here is an excerpt of my talk for anyone who needs a reminder not to worry:

“I have spent the last year battling worry. There have been times when I thought that carrying the “what-ifs” and “should-have’s” might kill me. My usual pattern is to: worry myself to the point of exhaustion, pray for God to give me peace, receive peace, take back the worry, reach the point of exhaustion, pray for peace, receive peace, and so on… In the midst of my rides up and down on this coaster, God gently reminds me that this is not how it is supposed to be. Psalm 29:11 says, “The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.” Peace is there and ready for all of us to accept and hold on to. I am making a choice to ride this coaster of worries.

If I spent all of my time worrying about the next day, God could not use me today. When worry consumes me, God reminds me that it is rooted in unbelief. If I do not believe Him and trust Him, then He cannot use me.

Keith Krell says in his article, “Lifetsyles of the Content and Worry-Free,”

“When you worry, you are saying, “God, I don’t really know about You. I’m not sure You are a caring God. I’m not sure You are a providing God. You are good for church on Sunday, but I’m not sure about You. So I’ve got to take care of this myself.”

I might be the only one, but I am notorious for doing this. I question God’s power and His plan. I don’t always believe Him when he says, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28). I ask, “how can taking my baby work for my good?” You might ask, “how can being incarcerated work for my good?” It’s okay to ask these questions. It’s hard to understand God’s plans. What I do know is that God can use us anywhere we are physically as long as spiritually we are not consumed with our self, our own fears and worries. Give your worries to God, take His peace and depend on Him. “