Mothering Meredith

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24

I’ve been attempting to write for the last two weeks and it has been impossible! I have had all of these thoughts and feelings that have needed to come out, but the time I have to sit and reflect is few and far between. On top of that, my environment has to be just right. I often weep as I write about what God is teaching me. Not just out of sadness but also out of thankfulness. I have been actively living out Lamentations 3:22-24 in the last few weeks. It is tempting for me to become consumed by my loss, but I am always reminded that in my greatest pain, God never fails to comfort. He is so faithful and I am so grateful.

I was reminded once again of God’s healing and grace on Mother’s Day. In the past, I have avoided this day. My first Mother’s Day without Mer, my girlfriends took me on a cruise, my second I spent at the spa getting the works. I’ve always run from this day, looking for something to make me feel good. It worked, somewhat. These activities were positive distractions and I am fortunate to have friends who pamper me. This Mother’s Day was so different. I didn’t grow weary thinking of all the grief I would face. Honestly, I had a different perspective. My recent assignment in my Bible study, Believing God, was to remember how God has been with me through all my various situations, even those I still don’t understand. I began to retrace many of the afflictions I have encountered and noticed the overwhelming faithfulness of God. Through this exercise, I realized my thoughts have transformed from “what I have lost” to “what I have gained.”

God reminded me of this over and over as I sat in church on May 12th and watched a woman dedicate her little girl and boy to the Lord. I began to cry as I wished I could have done that with my babies. But, I also cried because I have had the privilege of encouraging and ministering to that woman in her joys and sorrows. God brought us together through loss and pain—me losing a baby and her losing a husband. I knew how hard it was to stand alone and to give my children to God.

In that sermon, it also hit me that my job as a mother goes further than raising Tyler. I have always felt my job of mothering Meredith was taken from me. But, God gave me Meredith back that day. He reminded me that the way I could continue mothering Mer was by telling her story and mine. My book is a way to celebrate her each day as well as share her with the world. Once again, I am encouraged and excited that our God’s mercies are new every morning.

FYI, my book is going to print, so stock up on some tissues…

Beth