Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24
I’ve been attempting to write for the last two weeks and it has been impossible! I have had all of these thoughts and feelings that have needed to come out, but the time I have to sit and reflect is few and far between. On top of that, my environment has to be just right. I often weep as I write about what God is teaching me. Not just out of sadness but also out of thankfulness. I have been actively living out Lamentations 3:22-24 in the last few weeks. It is tempting for me to become consumed by my loss, but I am always reminded that in my greatest pain, God never fails to comfort. He is so faithful and I am so grateful.
I was reminded once again of God’s healing and grace on Mother’s Day. In the past, I have avoided this day. My first Mother’s Day without Mer, my girlfriends took me on a cruise, my second I spent at the spa getting the works. I’ve always run from this day, looking for something to make me feel good. It worked, somewhat. These activities were positive distractions and I am fortunate to have friends who pamper me. This Mother’s Day was so different. I didn’t grow weary thinking of all the grief I would face. Honestly, I had a different perspective. My recent assignment in my Bible study, Believing God, was to remember how God has been with me through all my various situations, even those I still don’t understand. I began to retrace many of the afflictions I have encountered and noticed the overwhelming faithfulness of God. Through this exercise, I realized my thoughts have transformed from “what I have lost” to “what I have gained.”
God reminded me of this over and over as I sat in church on May 12th and watched a woman dedicate her little girl and boy to the Lord. I began to cry as I wished I could have done that with my babies. But, I also cried because I have had the privilege of encouraging and ministering to that woman in her joys and sorrows. God brought us together through loss and pain—me losing a baby and her losing a husband. I knew how hard it was to stand alone and to give my children to God.
In that sermon, it also hit me that my job as a mother goes further than raising Tyler. I have always felt my job of mothering Meredith was taken from me. But, God gave me Meredith back that day. He reminded me that the way I could continue mothering Mer was by telling her story and mine. My book is a way to celebrate her each day as well as share her with the world. Once again, I am encouraged and excited that our God’s mercies are new every morning.
FYI, my book is going to print, so stock up on some tissues…
Beth
1 comment:
Beth, please keep us informed on when your book is coming out. So thankful that God is moving in your heart to give to others as you are continually walking through your loss. I lost my mother at the age of 3 and still have to face the pain and loss each time grief hits, each mother's day, and so on. You would think it would eventually go away! But it doesn't I am afraid. I love your perspective, "what have I gained through this experience today? And How has God's faithfulness been there"
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