Uncertainty

If you want to hear God’s voice clearly and you are uncertain, then remain in His presence until He changes this uncertainty. Often much can happen during this waiting for the Lord. Sometimes He changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it. --- Corrie Ten Boom, Not I, but Christ

Uncertainty has been the theme of my New Year. In my uncertainty, I have learned the hard way) to run to Christ, hide out and wait. It has taken me years to do this. By nature, I am more of the 'run to a friend and talk' kinda girl, rather than waiting to hear from the Lord. I am still a student in this area, but I am learning and growing.
My main struggle in a time of uncertainty is that I am a “fixer.” I love to problem solve and advise. I even give homework to people I meet with to process their issues and pain. It is natural for me to look at a problem, devise a plan, implement and achieve success. I like this feeling. It makes me feel good inside. However, being a fixer has its disadvantages. I bite off more than I can chew, I begin trusting in my own ability and I advise wrong things. So, becoming a “recovering fixer” has been a challenge. I have had to revamp my methods and run them all past God first. I remind myself that I am incapable of guiding, trusting, forgiving and giving grace without Christ doing it for me. It is much easier to just give hurting people practical, logical and assertive advice. It is less time consuming and less involved. But, it is damaging; I have hurt my own self and others with this old way of thinking.
As I pondered a very complicated situation the last few days, I was drawn back to the Lord by fear, confusion and a need for real direction. I didn’t automatically run to God. I wanted to run to my best friend and accountability partner, but she was swamped with work, kids and her own life. I could barely even get in touch with her. I was frustrated as our usual pattern is to chat several times a day and discuss all the events and non-events that occur in our lives. But, I knew that this was a time for me to remain in God’s presence and hear directly from Him. So, when I read this quote by Corrie Ten Boom last night, I knew what God was doing by blocking my time with my best friend.
God wants all of our thoughts, fears and questions run by Him. What a journey these last days have been. God and I have covered nearly every question I have in my head. He has guided, confirmed and provided clarity on several different areas of my life. Some days I have felt peace, others I have felt physically ill. But, I knew I could trust God to give me answers. I knew He would guide me, I just had to wait. This new way of thinking and dealing with uncertainty, just doesn’t make me feel “good” inside. It makes me feel energized, free, and peaceful. Thank you, Jesus!