Let him take hold of my strength, that he may make peace with me. Isaiah 27:5
As I look back over the past few years, I never thought I would be excited about what lies ahead. Honestly, Christmas was a time to “make it through” without losing my mind. This year, it has been different. God has asked me to leave my comfort zone and stretch myself in so many ways. It has been a time of great struggle accompanied by great peace. Through this time of surrender and obedience, many positive changes have occurred.
This year, I joined the ministry team at my church, Providence. I am the assistant to the Community Ministries Pastor and I love it. This job was, once again, a gift from the Lord. I am surrounded by people who love God, and who have embraced me like family. The thing I enjoy the most is I get to help people. When I was in crisis and felt out of control of my life, many of you filled the gaps in a variety of ways. Now I get to do the very thing you did for me for others. It gives me energy, enthusiasm and most of all, reminds me that God ALWAYS provides for us when we trust in Him.
I have also completed my third semester of a life changing program, Mending the Soul. This semester I was blessed to lead a group. Once again, God allowed me to walk through the pain of abuse, isolation, rejection and disappointment while encouraging women to overcome these difficult and overwhelming challenges as well. Although this class is no walk in the park, it gave me extreme joy to watch women open up to God’s healing. In 15 weeks, I have seen God change lives and possibly break the cycle of abuse in their own family. There are no words to describe this experience, only tears.
Perhaps the most astonishing and overwhelming experience I have had this year is finishing my book. I have spent 2 years writing this manuscript. I read the details of Meredith’s life and death a thousand times. I never thought I would finish it, primarily, because I didn’t know how to end it. The death of a child is never something you recover from you just learn to live with it. There are days I wrestle with questions that I had at the very beginning of my bereaved journey. I have learned that the sadness of what could have been stays forever. What I have learned is that when tragedy comes God is there. No matter what I faced, how I hurt and how I failed, He was my comforter, healer and provider. My sweet Meredith will live on forever in our hearts but also on paper. Will You Trade Your Dreams for His? Will one day sit on the shelves of people who are hopeless or lost. Her story changed my life dramatically and I feel sure it will do the same for another.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t look at Tyler in awe. He is the most gentle, loving, patient and caring child. Even though he never knew Meredith, we talk of her often. He is so sweet as he talks of her in Heaven with Jesus. One day, he let go of a balloon and was so torn up about it. I told him that it was his gift to Meredith and she was so happy to have it. He remembers that balloon often and always says, “Remember, yesterday, when I lost my balloon? Sissy has it now.” It always brings tears to my eyes. I wish he could have known her. When Mer died, I honestly thought I could never love again. Tyler reminded me that I could.
Tyler is almost 3 years old. He talks all the time. He loves to sing. His favorites are: Joshua fought the battle of Jericho, Somebody's Knocking at Your Door, and Arise and Shine. Yes, we have this Bible songs CD that he absolutely loves. Although I am delighted that He loves gospel and would never deter his passion, I have to admit I would love to enjoy some of my own music occasionally. Tyler amazes me with his athletic ability. He has a terrific arm, can ride a tricycle with ease and runs like a gazelle. I love watching him run and play. He is always laughing and enjoying life. He reminds me to enjoy the moment and appreciate the little things in life. He is truly a gift from God.
There have been all sorts of new beginnings in my life. I have regained strength, have been called to work in ministry and have finished a memoir of Meredith’s life. However, none of these experiences even come close to the new beginning found in Christ. If you do not know Him,
Somebody’s knocking at your door.
O sinner, why don’t you answer?
Somebody’s knocking at your door.
Can’t you hear Him?
Somebody’s knocking at your door.
Can’t you hear Him?
Answer Jesus!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Beth & Tyler
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