Abandonment Again

“Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.” (Matthew 6:25, KJV).

I’ve been hoping and praying for about a month about something and got a disappointing yet predictable answer. I have to say I was prepared for another disappointment as this seems to be the theme in my present life. Preparation does not always mean peaceful acceptance for me. I went through a range of emotions, had a pity party, and slept for 2 hours to try to escape those feelings of "Surely, God is not for me, everything is so hard for me..."

After all my sulking, I opened up my devotion and my verse for the day was, Matthew 6:33 which reads, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Chambers went on to say, "We argue the opposite way---I must live; I must make so much money; I must be clothed; I must be fed. The great concern on our lives is not the kingdom of God, but how we are to fit ourselves to live. Jesus reverses the order.”

It appears that God is hearing my cries as He insists that I not worry and make Him my constant focus. I am attempting to be obedient as “worrying means that we do not think God can look after the practical details of our lives” (Chambers). I cannot describe the amount of energy and depth of faith it takes to live these verses out. Yet, deep down, I know that being obedient will result in immeasurable blessings. Living it is tough though and there are days where I feel too broken and too weak to keep traveling on this road of suffering.

Once again, I have found myself in complete dependence on the Lord, waiting for His command to make my next move…