Your Mercy Made Her Whole

It has quite some time since I have blogged. This month has been full of deep thought, anticipatory grief, numbness and physical training. Making it through December, January, February, March and April is always a miracle and a huge relief. I was absolutely floored by the outpouring of love and prayers I received on Meredith’s death anniversary. My coworkers let me off work to reflect and rest at the beach with the most AMAZING group of women and two toddlers, I received approximately 40 emails/texts/FB messages, and had care packages and flowers sent to my home. My family and I are SO loved and I want you to know how much it means to me. I do not take you for granted. I am incredibly humbled and thankful for your support.

Meredith’s death anniversary was so different this year. I still felt numb, but there was a peace in my soul and a confidence that I could live through this day of painful remembrance. I have heard numerous times that getting to the two year mark is a huge success as a bereaved parent. It can also be a sobering and reflective time. The reality that my child is gone is absolutely undeniable. The finality is crystal clear.

On the day of Meredith’s death, I went for a run on the beach. It was brisk and windy and I had the entire beach to myself. I was listening to Mercy by Casting Crowns and was drawn to the chorus...

Your mercy saved me

Mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me

Called me as Your own

It made me think of Meredith and how God’s mercy did save her and by Him taking her to Heaven she was made whole. I know that if she had remained on this Earth, I could have never made her “whole.” She would have suffered greatly. The cancer did so much damage to her in such a short amount of time and deep down, I know that God gave her the best life she could have. I am grateful for His mercy and for making her His own.

I look forward to the day that I am made whole. What God did for Meredith inspires me to keep moving forward. I don’t want to waste one more moment on frivolous and meaningless things. What God did for Meredith makes me proud to be called one of His Own.