Flashbacks

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NASB)

One of my recent devotions challenged me to get in the habit of saying “Speak, Lord” in all circumstances. Thus, at one A.M. on Monday I sat in Tyler’s floor and said it. My child had been up for an hour with the croup. I had tried all the home remedies, had spoken to the nurse and was waiting to hear from the doctor. Tyler was happily playing with Mr. Potato Head while I began asking God, “You really want me to go to the ER? Seriously?” I am not naive in thinking that I will never have to take a trip to the emergency room. I realize I have a boy and that he is already a risk taker. I am sure my life will consist of many visits, but the timing of this visit was just plain agonizing.


As I was waiting for the doctor to confirm that an ER trip was in our immediate future, the memories came rushing back. Where would I go? I could not face the Wake Medical ER. I could not take another baby into that hospital. Would I have to convince the doctor’s there was something wrong? Would I be able to do this on my own? I began to gather our things together and walked out the door with Mr. Croup wrapped in my arms. I drove to that ER totally in control and on a mission. The room was as I expected. I immediately knew how to turn on the TV and how to adjust the lighting. I instantly recalled the purpose of the machines and watched as the nurse checked Tyler's vitals.


The fear of losing Tyler crossed my mind, but most of my trauma surrounded around the flashbacks. I was in this place two years ago. I was sitting in a hospital room waiting for a doctor, waiting for answers, and I was waiting with a baby. What kind of God allows this? What lesson is to be learned through this event? I just couldn’t imagine the necessity of this illness and it occurring during this time. January through April are absolutely heart wrenching months for me. I am plagued with the memories of Meredith’s cancer diagnosis, Tyler’s birthday, Meredith’s birthday, my divorce day, and Meredith’s death anniversary. If I could escape these months in Bora Bora that would certainly ease some of the pain. But, NO! I get to go back to the place I dread the most, the hospital. Ugh!
Now that the dust has settled, Tyler is on the mend, the ice has melted and work has resumed, I sit in wonder of how this ER trip fits into my purpose on this Earth. It sounds kind of trivial to think that every event has a purpose, but I have learned the hard way that all my life events and relationships are being weaved together in a bizarre and unique tapestry. The end product will only look good in God’s eyes that is certain.


When I got over my usual pity party, I returned to God’s Word and sure enough He brought me back to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. I found great comfort knowing that I am not alone. When I was driving in the ice that night, I was not alone. When I entered that room with my child, I was not alone. When I faced my greatest fears and walked through my worst nightmare, I was NOT alone.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ...