The Christmas season is filled with a mixture of emotions for me. It usually starts off with a sense of dread, then turns into a time of numbness, then excitement and finally the despair sets in. Every year, the process shortens and the despair lessons—but it is still present. Every time I felt sad this Christmas, I came back to the fact that Christmas is not about me and what I do and do not have, but it is about Christ. I listened to a sermon and it focused on this very fact. Many times my emotions and the way the world emphasizes material items, get me off track. The birth of Christ and who Jesus was and is today is the focus. I really worked hard to meditate on this, but to my disappointment, sadness reined in my heart yesterday. As soon as I awoke, I knew it was not going to be a good day. By God’s grace, I was able to enjoy the weather, work on projects, grocery shop, etc… As I wrapped up all my activities, I felt the grief come. I am still amazed at how fast it overtakes me. In mid sentence, I began weeping and once I found a quiet and private place, I burst into tears. I’m sad that I don’t get to see Meredith on Christmas morning. I’m angry that I only had one Christmas with her. I feel slighted. These joys were taken from me because of cancer.
I want so badly to be stronger than this—to accept my fate and to praise God instead of question Him. It is just so hard. The pain is so deep, the loss so great. I know that I cannot be content with God’s plan on my own. I need His help badly. I was so encouraged as I read my devotion tonight. The verse states, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”(Philippians 4:11). It comes across as such an easy thing. Paul went through hardships, suffering and persecution and he was content, so I should be too. However, I loved what Joni Tada says about this verse, “Perhaps Paul’s secret of learning to be content was simply learning to lean on God’s grace.”
It is clear that Paul’s ability to accept God’s plan for his life was through Grace:
a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God.
May you be challenged to feel contentment and praise this Christmas.
Blessings,
Beth
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