Bright Future

“I will repay you for the years the locust have eaten...”Joel 2:25
 
Today Joel 2:25 hit me once again with great power. I am bubbling over with gratitude, but at the same time am reminiscent of the past. This weekend, Ty and I moved out of our house into our new home with our new family. Honestly, I have been grieving leaving me townhome. It means so much to me. It was my first house, my safe house and my peaceful place. I gained my independence there, wrote my book there and fell in love there. When I felt like I had lost everything, God had this home for me. My life started over when I moved in to that house. I depended on the Lord for everything-- money, strength, safety and comfort. My old self was shed and the Beth God wanted me to be was birthed.
 
This is a new chapter of my life and although the path is bright, I am sad that my daughter is not here to share it with me. I was rather surprised that I did not grieve at my wedding over Meredith. I remember telling my Aunt Joyce years ago that I would never remarry because I just knew I could never be happy again. I was convinced that while marrying someone, I would feel nothing but sadness because Mer wasn't there. Joyce assured me that God would give me joy--that I would feel overwhelmed with it and be able to be 100% present. She was so right. As I stood there before God, my friends , family and my husband-to-be, I was filled with peace and joy. My heart overflowed with with thanksgiving and love. I truly experienced that moment without a hint of sadness. I was at peace with God's plan for Mer—that she be present in spirit rather than body.

The tears I have today are shed in gratitude rather than pain. I have experienced a lot of sadness, but God has done many mighty and spectacular things. Next month, I will pass along my home to a woman who has endured much pain as well as God's healing. Hopefully, she will get to experience the same fresh start I received while living there. My hope was that my townhome could be a place for women to start over. God has fulfilled yet another dream.