Breaking a Heart

“If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.” ~Oswald Chambers

It has been months since I have sat down at my computer and journaled. Writing is usually a great stress releaser for me, but lately I have been under writing deadlines and that has killed my usual excitement. Many of you know that I have been writing Meredith’s memoir. I started right after her death, met with publishers in 2009 and am finally in production. I’ve read through the details of her life and death so many times and although it has been painful, it has been a time of great healing. I have seen and felt God in ways I cannot describe. I believe God wrote this book. I was just the vessel in which He used. A friend asked me what I have learned the most from this experience. It was a great question and one that I could answer quickly, obedience. Time after time, I thought I could not write, edit and explain this story. I wanted to leave behind the events that occurred in 2008. I wanted to pretend they didn't exist because the pain was intolerable. But, each time I wanted to give up and forget, God challenged me to be obedient. All the steps up until this point, fell together with ease.

I know writing this book was part of God’s plan for my life. I know this because every time I wanted to stop, people encouraged me to go. Sermons challenged me to continue, devotions said, “persevere.” Being in God’s Will isn’t always comfortable, but necessary.

When I read the quote above by Chambers, my faith is tested. It is hard to believe that God would use a broken heart to achieve His purposes. But, I realize that faith isn’t always black and white. It is about trusting a God who we do not understand. It is about being at peace with His plan for our lives, and knowing with assurance that His plans are to give us a hope and a future.

Lord willing, Mer’s book will come out on February 16th, on her 4th birthday. It is my memorial to her, and a message of hope in the midst of unbearable circumstances.

Beth