Trials

Trials drive us to our knees. Trials reveal that He is God and we are not. Trials make you trust. Trials prove you. Trials purify you. Trials perfect you. Trials bring you to the end of yourself and to the beginning of the Almighty. ~Tommy Nelson

I’ve been incredibly busy this summer. There has been no vacationing for me. I started a new job, am editing a book, taking an online class, participating in help groups and trying to be a mom of excellence to my child. Whew, I am tired! I am not complaining though—I am being challenged, stretched and pushed to be the woman God intended me to be. I am incredibly excited about serving God full time, am learning so much about ministry and am getting emotional, spiritual and mental support one could only dream of. God has blessed me and I am grateful.

After Meredith’s second death anniversary, I heard clearly from the Lord He was ready for me to help others. I spent the prior two years so focused on my own pain that I did not feel capable of helping anyone else. I suppose it was a time of selfishness but also a time of intense healing. Thank you to all of you who stood by my side as I struggled to make sense of all that happened to me. Today, I have more answers, clarity and hope. I am by no means healed or perfected but I have a deeper relationship with the Lord and live by His strength each day.

I knew when God made it clear that I was to help others, I would have to face my own past (again) in order to feel theirs. I just didn’t realize how challenging it would be. Meeting with other bereaved mothers and walking through divorces with women is no cake walk. There are times I look in the mirror and ask, “Really God, this is what I am supposed to do?” It is so hard. It tears me up to watch women walk my journey. I want to give them something to hold on to. I desire to “fix-it” and give them strategies to cope. But, I am not God and I don’t have the answers. What I do know if that God carried me through every moment of tragedy and disappointment. All the strategies and solutions I created on my own, never proved successful. It was when I was at the end of myself that God took over and marked a very specific path for me to take. This path is not easy but as I take each step I am strengthened with wisdom and HOPE.

Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? Ecclesiastes 7:13 (NIV)