Mega Jump

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Matthew 14:29-30 (New International Version)

I was ready for some outdoor adventure this weekend. I was raised by a father who was no fan of outdoor adventure. He grew up very poor in an apartment across from the Ship Yard and spent time in Vietnam. When he settled down, and began earning a living, he swore he would never be hot again nor would he sleep with bugs. Thus, camping, hiking, pretty much anything outdoorsy was not on our yearly vacation agenda growing up. So, for me to even desire to do something adventurous is rare and incredibly out of character for me. However, I had the urge so my dear college friend indulged me and we checked out the US National Whitewater Park in Charlotte. Our options were limited due to financial constraints as well as our willingness to try things, but after much distress we settled on the Mega Jump. The Mega Jump is a 40-foot free-fall that requires you to jump off a launch tower that overlooks the world's largest re-circulating river. I have to say, I was totally up for the challenge. I endured the overpowering smell of the harness and hiked up to the top of this tower. The fear didn’t hit me until I got to the platform and looked ahead and, of course, down. Then it began…panic, fear, prayer! I was paralyzed with fear. I could not step off the platform. I was afraid I might have a heart attack or I would die. The handsome yet young and free spirited young instructor began to encourage me to jump by saying, “Come on, don’t be a sissy.” This kind of pressure only made me question his intelligence, but I did end of jumping due to peer pressure, I suppose. I am happy to say that even though there was little joy in that jump, there was a confirmation that I could take risks again.

I cannot really remember that last time I have felt reckless. I do know that my appetite for adventure and risk was squashed by fear, anxiety and the life I lead “walking on eggshells” in my home. I became paralyzed, isolated and confined in my late 20s. I nearly suffocated until I had my baby girl, Meredith. She was incredibly inspiring and she made me want to be something different than who I had become. However, she did not make me want to take risks. If anything, she made me want to minimize them. I wanted to be alive and well to take care of her. I wanted to be at my best and to give her the safest and an optimal environment. The cruel reality is creating this safe and consistent environment didn’t save her from harm.

How things have changed since Meredith’s birth in 2007. God has brought me from a place of fear and shame to a place of peace and freedom. I finally have to urge to fly again. I really like the Matthew passage above. In preparation for the Mega Jump, I thought of all God had asked me to do since Meredith’s death and my divorce. Every little step has been…God calling me, me walking, and then me panicking. Then, I get refocused with God’s help and I repeat the steps again. I thank God for His patience and unfailing love. I also thank Him for letting me live through the Mega Jump! My new life has required complete reliance on Christ and a bit of recklessness to achieve His dreams for me. I am still a bit fearful, sometimes paralyzed but up for the challenge.

“Whenever the realization of God comes in the faintest way imaginable, recklessly abandon…You will only realize His voice more clearly by recklessness.”~Chambers