Held

Take delight in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Psalm 37:4-6 (TNIV)

The last few days have been so hard for me. I have this pain in my back that feels like someone is stabbing me. It will not go away and it is wearing on me emotionally. I have a whole new appreciation for those who deal with chronic physical pain. On top of my back issue, I have this whole other pain called, grief. Right now they are both competing for my attention. Maybe they are related.
Yesterday, I was so sad. The tears poured down like rain. I really struggle with trying to act “normal.” Everyday tasks take so much energy for me. Nothing seems easy nor does it run smoothly. Being normal is too much work.
I was given this passage in Psalm 37 last night. Honestly, part of it makes me mad. Verse 4 makes it sound like there is this simple formula we are to follow. If we delight in the Lord, all our prayers will be answered. But, what if you know that you delighted, and the desires of your heart were not given to you? It’s all confusing and mysterious.
As I was contemplating this verse yesterday, I heard one of my favorite songs written by Christa Wells and performed by Natalie Grant, HELD…

Who told us we'd be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens

To us who have died to live?It's unfair.
[Chorus:]This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

When things seem unclear to me and I wonder “Why?” God always reminds me that He is here holding me. He is the one who carries me through each day. Without Him, I have nothing and am nothing. All I have to do is remain faithful and trust in Him. In verse 5, I love how he says, “…trust in Him, and He will act (NIV).” Trusting God is a daily battle when you have seen the tragedies I have. It isn’t easy to trust when things remain hard and suffering is the norm. But, I know that one day there will be a righteous reward and vindication, God's Word has assured me of that.