Shattered Pieces of Glass

I had an interesting conversation with two of my sweet prayer group partners yesterday and we were commenting on how we are all in a time of “waiting.” We were laughing about the fact that so many hours and days are spent waiting for God to tell us what to do next and most of the time the answer seems to be “No.”

This can be so frustrating! I know when I am waiting my mind automatically goes to…if I spent all this time waiting on the Lord and seeking him, then surely I deserve a “YES,” but as we all know, God’s “yes’s” seem few and far between in our minds. When you do get a confirmed and confident yes from the Lord, there is so much joy, thankfulness and humility in receiving it.

Today, I received a YES from the Lord that brought me to tears. I am so humbled by what God wants me to do. I would never have chosen to suffer so, but he continues to tell me that what matters is my response to my suffering. Ever since Meredith got sick, my marriage fell apart and Tyler was placed in my arms, I have wondered what I was supposed to do with my life.

One thing God told me to do is this blog, so I am stepping out in faith and I am doing it. I knew immediately my blog would be entitled, “Fourteen Meercies” because fourteen is the number God whispered in my ear on April 12, 2008 to gently inform me that my daughter’s suffering would truly come to an end on the fourteenth. This day of each month not only haunts me as it is the day my daughter was taken from my arms, but it is also a number that reminds me that God speaks to me.

“Meercies” came from Meredith’s initials as well as from all the mercies God showered me with during Meredith’s life, sickness and death. I have been contemplating this title and the meaning of this blog for a few weeks and have asked myself, “What does this title mean when it is put together? How does one take the two pieces and mold them into one big idea?”

As I sat in church God began shifting all of the shattered pieces of glass that make up my life back into some order. I could visualize him moving each piece into place. He was not restoring the pieces back like they were he was creating a new masterpiece right before my eyes. While my pastor was speaking on Lamentations 3:22-24 (verses that Cat had sent me days ago to add to my blog), God was busy developing ideas for my blog. And through that message he gave me a vision and a purpose.

My heart was racing as God clarified his vision for my ministry and it nearly exploded when I heard that our church was going to be addressing a controversial topic within our community. He referred to the very ministry that aided in my freedom from the life of captivity I was leading. I was shocked in shock as God revealed the next step I am to take. I did not lose my child, get divorced and become a single mother to a little boy, to sit on the sidelines while people are hurting. I was made to educate, assist and help free women like me from captivity. And so I am excited to say that I will be going where God needs me and I will follow his calling no matter the cost. So, I am thrilled, scared and certain that I am on the right path and that finally I have heard a “yes” from the Lord on this day.

I look forward to sharing with you what God is doing in more detail as it all comes together!

Lamentations 3:22-24 (NKJV)
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
“ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “ Therefore I hope in Him!”